Sunday, October 09, 2005

It's time to think outside the AA box

In a world where we’ve been conditioned to be PC and embrace diversity – to not ask a lot of questions when someone does something outside the pesky box – I need to know: why are batteries an exception to this rule? Why ya gotta be so nosey about my batteries, people?

Today I set out on an expedition to find a battery. Not a AA battery or a AAA battery or even a 9V battery. A 1.5V battery. Depending on where you go in the greater Seattle area, these little gems are not readily available in the aisles where you can just browse the batteries on your own. Nope, they’re behind a counter, forcing you to seek out and converse with an employee in order to get said battery. Is the 1.5V the crack of batteries? Are people just so damned desperate for them that they need to be behind glass?

As usual, I digress. Let’s just say when a woman goes into a store - by herself - to buy a non-AA battery people are VERY interested in why she needs it. At my 3rd and final stop I was successful, but not before I underwent a Law & Order-style line of questioning that was missing only the swinging, bare light bulb above my head and a billowing cloud of smoke from some filter-less Camels.

“What do you need this battery for?” Asked the early 20-something smartass-looking Safeway employee with a glint in his eye. Well, let me enlighten you, Mr. Safeway employee. It’s for my garage door opener. My camera. My medical defibrillator. My watch. My gigantic hearing aid. Or my prison ankle bracelet which will most DEFINITELY beep if I decide to jump over the counter and give you the smack down for enjoying these questions so much. Give me the battery! Trust me on this – I NEED THE BATTERY! And stop casting that knowing glance at my Blockbuster bag too. (OK, so maybe they do need to be behind the glass.)

When at last he sought out the 1.5V he actually looked a little sheepish. There on the package, clear as day in a Times New Roman-esque font was the word “Medical” along with the familiar medical serpent symbol. “OOOOOOH, so it’s for MEDICAL reasons,” he says.

Medical reasons. Exactly. You have no idea.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:11 PM  
Blogger Cabe said...

Please don't remove mine.

I liked your post.

It was....rather....Dan Ratheresque.


5:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:32 PM  
Anonymous Mr. Rick said...

All my AA and AAA batteries are 1.5volts. I just looked at the 134161341234 remotes I have laying around.

When does the ankle bracelet come off?

10:50 PM  
Anonymous crazyvirgo said...

when a lady needs a 1.5v she friggin needs it alright. do you want the lady to have to come out and say, well, sir, you see i ran out of batteries on my pocket rocket and work's been rather stressfull. sometimes i need a bit of a fix underneath my desk and i've run out the small battery on the little friend. what's it your freakin' business anyway. why don't you start lightening up a little and not stress me out so much and then maybe i wouldn't have to close my office door and escape so much, dammnit. or maybe that's just me.

9:20 AM  
Blogger RBrown said...

DAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNNN, GEENA! I'm sweatin' just readin' that! I don't know what all that "under the desk" business is cause I got myself a SERIOUS MEDICAL condition over here! MMMhmmm......

10:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It goes without saying, but be prepared, get a automatic defibrillator sales here!

1:41 PM  
Blogger Antonio Hicks said...

I was just browsing various blogs as I was doing a search on the word poster, and I just wanted to say that I really like what you've done with your blog, even though it wasn't particularly related to what I searched for. I appreciate your postings, and your blog is a good example of how a blog should be done. I've only just recently started a Posters website - feel free to visit it when you get a chance if you wish. Much success, antonio.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sounds great, but I've seen very different opinions of aed policy

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