The RBrown 2005 Guide to Halfway Houses

Sometimes you just need to get away from it all. You know, the job, the apartment, the paycheck, the money in a checking, savings and/or 401K account, the stable place to call home. What’s on your speed dial for situations like this? You need a place to live, but can’t really qualify for a place to live because you have no income. And you can’t find income unless you stay long enough in one place. Truly vexing.

Lucky for you, dear reader(s) to have made the wise decision to read this blog today. Because I’ve got some special little nooks that only us seasoned locals know about. Some places that took me in during woeful times, housed me, allowed me to shower and store food in their refrigerators and then let me fly when the time was right. Some might call this arrangement a “halfway house” but the very words just sound so…. late 80 that for our purposes, I’ll refer to them as my seasonal homes. Where I summer and winter. Here’s a quick run-down in case you’re ever in the area (s).

SPRING

$$$$$$$$$ London, SW14 - While the accommodations were lovely and I was fortunate enough to have a week-long jaunt to Cyprus added into my stay, I haven’t spoken to the host much since. I think this is quite rude and would not recommend staying there UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES…unless you’re into the overpromise-under-deliver-Trans-atlantic emotional trickery sort of thing. Suck it up and pay for a hotel in the center of London. (deep inhale on cigarette…if only I smoked)

SUMMER

The (*) denotes single, hot and available. Stay tuned for more info on these people, but please post comments if you’re interested in me arranging a private (fully-clothed) meeting.

$ *Hotel Dshaw – Fillmore St., 94115 – I was lucky enough to call this little gem on Fillmore St. my summer home. And don’t let that one-dollar sign fool you – the hospitality was 5-star all the way. From chocolates on my pillow to free wireless, to lazy Saturdays spent watching “America’s Top Model” this is one stop I literally couldn’t have made it without. The hostess is charming, generous beyond measure and will make green tea spew from your nose she’s so funny. Truly a life-saver.

$ *The Whitmore – Broadway and Fillmore – 94115 –This hostess hand-makes the most gorgeous jewelry and insisted I wear it. So for one week I looked like someone who had some fashion sense. Minus the Banana Republic/Gap/H&M thing I had going on for clothes.

$ *Einie House – Washington and Buchanan – 94115 – A peaceful studio with an excellent library and exceptionally comfy couch. Catch her when she’s home. She also serves as an excellent therapist.

$ *Farrell Inn – Three words: private back patio. This generous little belle even allowed me to use her car, which exposed me to the foulest scene ever on 9th and Bryant giving new meaning to the word “bobblehead”. But you want adventure, right?

$ *Trevey Manor, 94109 – A comfy studio in the center of the action of Lower Nob Hill with fantastic city views. She shared her cheese and oatmeal with me and given that she’s in the same sorry unemployed state, this was like sharing her filet mignon with me.

$ Trevey’s Friends’ Manor, 94109 – A 2-story apartment. In San Francisco. Who knew? Gorgeous. And they had no idea who the hell I was.

$ Chenery Heights, 94131– A delightfully appointed one-bedroom with an even more delightful golden retriever named Beau. This was the furthest trek out of my summer comfort zone (and well worth it) so friends from 94115 grabbed their passports and made the journey to dine with me for a night. This host is NOT single, but he’s hot. Unfortunately for my man-friendly readers, he’s dating one of the proprietors of Maison de Laussat. Incestuous, these halfway houses.

FALL
$ Maison de Laussat, 94117 – Run by 2 exceptionally wonderful gay men (sexual preference only mentioned to punctuate their exquisite taste), this place has recently been renovated to a state of gorgeousness so great I’m not sure an income-less girl like me is even worthy of sleeping here. Also, I was met at the airport with flowers, wine, chocolate and a hug that reduced me to a sniveling mass of tears then treated to a welcome-back dinner. That always helps earn extra stars in the hospitality category.

$ Skormore, 94123 - I was lucky enough to have one night here in the summer and (I think) will be boarding here again while the hostess travels to Ireland. Her home is divine and her decorating skills and eye for color are rivaled only by the gay man. She makes delicious egg and throws great parties. I’ve also heard that Danielle Steele lives in the building.

I could not possibly continue to pursue this oh-so glorious and very glamorous dream of advertising without all of you. Thanks again for your hospitality. Now, if anyone knows of someone looking to sub-lease in November, I’m your girl.