Friday, December 16, 2005

Chestnuts roasting on the Panasonic

The air is crisp, the sidewalks are bustling with merry shoppers, everyone’s sipping their signature eggnog lattes….ahhhh, the holidays. Excuse me, won't you? I think I need to put another log on the TV.

Oh, but wait! I don’t even need to add a log! The festive and kind people at Channel 7 have done it for me. That’s right, for the umpteenth year in a row, Channel 7 “presents” (?) The Holiday Log, a festive fire that flickers non-stop for 3 days on your TV screen, playing nothing but holiday music.

Seriously.

I would (almost) pierce an unmentionable just to have been a fly on the wall of that marketing/sales meeting way back when, I’m guessing circa 1992, that someone threw out the Holiday Log as an alternative to programming, yet still an enticing hook for advertisers and potential sponsors. Naturally. Because nothing says “gather ‘round family and friends!” like a flickering log on your 27” screen.

Seriously, namer-guy, could you NOT come up with something better than “The Holiday Log” ? Does the word log make anybody else but me laugh? Am I the only 30-something person with 2nd grade humor left in me?

How does this happen, this Holiday Log? I imagine it was a specific item on someone in marketing’s “to-do” list, to name the log segment so they could create appropriate collateral and get the sales team all jacked up to sell it. I’d guess they had about 2 weeks to come up with a name and on the Thursday night before it was due, maybe they went on an 8-hour bender at a bar that allows you to self-serve meatballs from a crock pot, came to work late the next day, opened Microsoft Word and began typing options and settled for the first one they typed since the meeting where they’d present the name and concept to the sales team started 5 minutes prior to their typing.

“Fuck it. Holiday Log. Sounds good to me.”

But you know, cool, whatever. Give the people what they want. I, for one, can’t wait to get myself all Holiday-ed up by tuning in to that log, excuse me, THE log. The Holiday Log. Maybe they can get Dr. Extra Smiley Local Dentist Guy (his name escapes me…Dshaw? I know you know who I’m talking about) to sponsor it. After all, if you’re a friend of the log, you’re a friend of mine.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

12 Comments:

Blogger DP said...

I know that dentist guy!! I used to hate those commercials but then they started growing on me. Weird.

Enjoy the "log". Sounds like a giant post-Christmas dinner turd but I'm sure it's much more festive than that.

4:13 PM  
Blogger DP said...

Oh! And Happy Holidays!

4:14 PM  
Blogger Jaime Schwarz said...

Have you ever watched the log long enough to look for the fade when it switches through to the beginning again on it's loop? It's what I think is the last thing seen by those who kill themselves on xmas.

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember when they started selling the Holiday Log as a VCR tape. Presumably an uninterrupted hour of all Holiday Log, all the time. I remember seeing it in the store and thinking, who the heck would buy that? Apparently the same people who decided it was a great idea to have it on TV 24/7.

5:25 AM  
Blogger sissy said...

Who approves all the idiotic holiday decisions?

I think that there are a bunch of smart ass underlings that wait until all the powers that be are SMASHED TO THE GILLS at the office Christmas Party and get signatures approving the "holiday log", 24 hours of ANY MOVIE, and a Jessica Simpson Christmas Special. And then, not wanting to admit that they were taken advantage of while drunk, the powers that be trumpet this wonderful idea from the rooftops, all the while the crafty underlings LAUGH THEIR ASSES off while we innocent tv viewers wonder, WTF?

5:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holiday Log - Brilliant!

I can almost hears the chortles all the way over in western NY.

Happy Holidays. And throw another log on the fire.

9:18 AM  
Blogger V said...

It's log, it's log...it's big, it's heavy, it's wood....
Hey, let's burn it! on TV! for hours!

7:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come ON!!! I love that shit!!!

11:31 AM  
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