What's wrong with me?
Where have all the blog-worthy moments gone? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?? Can you please tell me some jokes? Recommend funny books? Something? Is this the price and the curse of working? Cause it went away 2 weeks ago when I started this job. Did I throw up my sense of humor in the bathroom on that fateful first day?
Please, help Stella get her groove back. I'm in a downward blogging spiral. Recommend movies, books, yoga, drugs....something. I'm dull as a butter knife over here.
Please, help Stella get her groove back. I'm in a downward blogging spiral. Recommend movies, books, yoga, drugs....something. I'm dull as a butter knife over here.
posted by Single, Party of One at 1:09 AM
11 Comments:
Hope you enjoy this one...
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his
clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years!"
" I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain.. .do whatever he tells you. Satisfy!
him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
Steve Martin's Pure Drivel, a collection of his essays. Also his play, Picasso at the Lapin Agile. That'll get you writing in no time flat.
Ok...I was going to leave a comment but I'm still laughing at Alison's joke. Nothing like some good old-fashioned sodomy humor to brighten up a snowy Friday. I'll try to come back later with some suggestions for you.
Alison, you're killing me...thanks for a good laugh! And thanks to you for the suggestion, Jaime. And to you MD for just representin', yo....y'all rule.
Check this joke out:
man walks in the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. wife is lying in bed reading.
man says, "this is the pig i have sex with when you've got a headache."
wife replies, "i think you'll find, that is a sheep."
man replies, "i think you'll find i was talking to the sheep."
the new psp spots. watch those. i love those.
and from one freelance to another: i too have been feeling butterknife-esque at my very first job. i mean, i haven't concepted in 9 months but damnit...where'd my wit go? do you feel the same non-climax creativity as i do? see...even that was crappy.
tell us the story of your hair stylist with smelly fingers. i LOOOOOVE that story!!!!
Ok, answer these:
1. 7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die
2. 7 Things I Cannot Do
3. 7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex
4. 7 Things I say most often
5. 7 Celebrity Crushes
6. 7 Favorite foods to eat on the couch
7. 7 favorite songs
I don't know if that will help with your writing - but I am sure I will love it!
www.despair.com
Downward Dog. Downward Dog.
20151028 junda®
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