Amazing - and psycho - TV is back on ABC
Nothing thrills me more than me having this blog to share highlights from one of my favorite guilty pleasures: “The Bachelor”. That’s right, folks, from the amazing chateau, to the amazing journey to the amazing (and catty) rivalries, “amazing” television is back.
I have to ask, where in the Sam Hill was Travis “The Bachelor” when I lived in Nashville? YUM! (Oh, sorry, I meant “He’s AMAZING!”) Seriously, so far he seems a damn sight smarter and more charming than all the other bachelors put together. (Though I do still pine away for Charlie during Trista’s reign as “The Bachelorette”…where are you Charlie? Charm and charisma with 2 capital C’s)
Dude, if I was on this show, I know I’d be nervous, but during the rose ceremony, I would MOST DEFINITELY be smiling. Come ON, ladies! National TV – try not to look like a psycho and for fuck’s sake, try not to look like you’re gonna cry over a guy you JUST MET. And if you don’t get picked, be gracious, don’t look so fricking DEFEATED. Don’t cast your eyes downward! You got to go to Paris for free, you ungrateful bitches!
A few of my favorite highlights and comments from last night’s episode:
-What’s up with the girl who stood with her hands on her hips during the rose ceremony? Was this intended to send a subliminal message?
-I think I may already h-a-t-e Yvonne, CEO of the marketing firm. You may remember her as the one who sat down next to Travis and the crazy doctor who was prattling on about how she wanted to “reproduce”. Yvonne sat down and said “Like, I’m gonna sit down here if that’s OK. Time’s ticking.” (points to watch). Surely the only reason this evil woman got a rose was because she saved him from any further time with Crazy. For the record, if I was on this show, I’d Flowers-in-the-Attic this woman immediately, feeding her some powdered doughnuts with arsenic. Get rid of her, Travis!
-How did the girl who gave him a shot glass from her hometown eke through? At least that crazy guy from Marin (that I used to see out from time to time down at Kozmo’s) gave Trista something from Tiffany’s. But a shot glass. That’s rich.
-After hearing Travis was a doctor, Crazy commented: “Good, because quite frankly my eggs are rotting”. Oh. My. God. Get a grip.
- “I need a guy who has, like, substance, like a manly-man, like a guy who chops wood.” Again, ladies, some key words to live by: NATIONAL TV and CRAFTY EDITING. Choose your words, like OK??
The end was the best. For those who didn’t see it, Crazy Doctor cried AND she marched up to the poor guy and asked him “So why didn’t you pick me? Am I too short? Are my boobs too small?” And to his credit, he was honest, telling her that the reproduction comments were just too much for him. To which she replied “You don’t want reproduction. You’re just playing around. “ and then proceeded to call him a fucking asshole “like every other doctor” on her way out the door. KRAZEEEEE.
And the capper, which I loved: “Maybe I just won’t date anybody anymore”. Good idea, ‘cause I’m pretty sure that after any guys get wind of your crazy-ass psycho-ness on national TV, those eggs will be drier than an autumn wreath on the sale rack at Pottery Barn in January. Those eggs: not so amazing.
So who are the early odds-on favorites? Anyone?
I have to ask, where in the Sam Hill was Travis “The Bachelor” when I lived in Nashville? YUM! (Oh, sorry, I meant “He’s AMAZING!”) Seriously, so far he seems a damn sight smarter and more charming than all the other bachelors put together. (Though I do still pine away for Charlie during Trista’s reign as “The Bachelorette”…where are you Charlie? Charm and charisma with 2 capital C’s)
Dude, if I was on this show, I know I’d be nervous, but during the rose ceremony, I would MOST DEFINITELY be smiling. Come ON, ladies! National TV – try not to look like a psycho and for fuck’s sake, try not to look like you’re gonna cry over a guy you JUST MET. And if you don’t get picked, be gracious, don’t look so fricking DEFEATED. Don’t cast your eyes downward! You got to go to Paris for free, you ungrateful bitches!
A few of my favorite highlights and comments from last night’s episode:
-What’s up with the girl who stood with her hands on her hips during the rose ceremony? Was this intended to send a subliminal message?
-I think I may already h-a-t-e Yvonne, CEO of the marketing firm. You may remember her as the one who sat down next to Travis and the crazy doctor who was prattling on about how she wanted to “reproduce”. Yvonne sat down and said “Like, I’m gonna sit down here if that’s OK. Time’s ticking.” (points to watch). Surely the only reason this evil woman got a rose was because she saved him from any further time with Crazy. For the record, if I was on this show, I’d Flowers-in-the-Attic this woman immediately, feeding her some powdered doughnuts with arsenic. Get rid of her, Travis!
-How did the girl who gave him a shot glass from her hometown eke through? At least that crazy guy from Marin (that I used to see out from time to time down at Kozmo’s) gave Trista something from Tiffany’s. But a shot glass. That’s rich.
-After hearing Travis was a doctor, Crazy commented: “Good, because quite frankly my eggs are rotting”. Oh. My. God. Get a grip.
- “I need a guy who has, like, substance, like a manly-man, like a guy who chops wood.” Again, ladies, some key words to live by: NATIONAL TV and CRAFTY EDITING. Choose your words, like OK??
The end was the best. For those who didn’t see it, Crazy Doctor cried AND she marched up to the poor guy and asked him “So why didn’t you pick me? Am I too short? Are my boobs too small?” And to his credit, he was honest, telling her that the reproduction comments were just too much for him. To which she replied “You don’t want reproduction. You’re just playing around. “ and then proceeded to call him a fucking asshole “like every other doctor” on her way out the door. KRAZEEEEE.
And the capper, which I loved: “Maybe I just won’t date anybody anymore”. Good idea, ‘cause I’m pretty sure that after any guys get wind of your crazy-ass psycho-ness on national TV, those eggs will be drier than an autumn wreath on the sale rack at Pottery Barn in January. Those eggs: not so amazing.
So who are the early odds-on favorites? Anyone?
posted by Single, Party of One at 11:36 PM
16 Comments:
Oh no. It's back. My wife, yes, MY wife -- the "oh-god-our-quadruplets-are-wearing-me-out-I-can't-stand-or-see-or-flatulate-and-it's-all-your-fault" woman -- stayed up an extra two hours to watch this damn show. This is the same woman who can't keep her eyelids open to watch Episode III with me when the babies are in bed by 8 p.m.
What is it ladies? Why is this the estrogenized crack cocaine of reality television? Why is a situation so absurd that it wouldn't pass for bad ficition palatable? Is it the whole can't-turn-away-from-a-train-wreck thing? Not enough pretenious yuppies and personality disorders at your local frou-frou watering hole? Is this how we all stuck our head in the sand post 9/11?
Okay, it's not that bad, but, Lord, it's not good. And I must admit to being glued to any episode featuring a Machiavellian psycho bitch seducing the clueless guy who can't, for the life of him, realize that this chick is gonna boil his rabbit the instant she's one rose short of prime time nirvana. But I can't look at myself in the mirror after.
God has abandoned us and this is the result. And, still, we watch.
Amazing.
OMG...I say "my eggs are cooking" all the time (not to dates obviously)! But I mean it to be funny. Shit, I better stop that so I don't get categorized with the crazy Dr.
Thanks Rbrown, I can't bring myself to watch another group of women fight over a man but I will be so glad to get the updates of idiocy from you here!
mmm....can't say i share your love for reality tv, so i don't have much to say. i am, however reading an excellent biography on dororthy parker which i highly recomend in the time during commercial breaks.
For some reason I can get into The Bachelorette, but I can never get into The Bachelor Mostly it's because of ladies like Ms. Crazy. All the women appear so desperate on the show, like this is their ONLY CHANCE EVER to find The One. You just don't see that with the dudes on The Bachelorette.
PS...I can't stop watching Animal Cops on the Anmimal Planet. For I? Am a dork.
I can't do it, RBrown. I tried, I really did, but I can't. These women frighten me. Even scarier are the chicks on Flava Flav's Show (I belive it's called Flavor of Love??). God help us.
Wow, so many advertising people ABOVE reality TV. That makes me laugh!
Oh, and Tweets, I'm with you on The Bachelorette - much better (ie less desperate dudes!) viewing.
RB - it's true. those women are craz.i.ness. however, i'll admit that I did catch the 3 best minutes on the show where ms. craziness stomped out the door when the Dr. didn't want to immediately pump sperm into her. wierd. hilarious. i was almost hornswaggled into it. but... i can't. i have to limit my yelling at the TV time to Gaunlet 2, proj runway and oprah (i conisder her reality TV now, be/c i always find reasons to yell at her).
oh, and conch, dear, you might want to put down that dorothy parker novel and catch a few of these with the rest of america.
I wasn't sure if the Bachelor had jumped the shark or not. I'll take your recommendation though, it sounds pretty good.
I always like trying to pick who's going to be the big whore and who's going to go psycho. Maybe this makes me the enemy of all women for stereotyping, but man it's fun. And besides, anyone who's willing to go on this show is already a media whore anyway.
Holy Bad TV! I'm in no way endorsing The Bachelor! TB, I don't know you outside the blog-o-sphere so I can't have you thinkin' that the Bachelor gets the official Bacon Grease nod. That said, I'm not pretending to be all high-brow and shit either...there's plenty of other trash that I WILL make an effort to be home for (The office, my name is earl, lost, if i had hbo, rome but since i don't my big bro burns it for me)south park, family guy....good lord. the sad part is i don't even have cable. just plain old networks that actually come in blurry so I see TWO of everyone, Crazy Psycho Doctor woman included. (i know, how 1974 of me.) so I don't get to watch much of anything.
BUT...if you're home on Mondays at 10 and want to laugh your ass off then abso-fricking-LUTELY! enjoy away.
What DOES get the official Bacon Grease shallow-TV nod? I just got the ENTIRE series of "Felicity" on DVD and I have to say, this is EXCELLENT viewing, even for a gal like me way outside their college demo.
Oh, Felicity is the BEST! Love that show...
I think you know enough about me, RBrown, to know that I'll pretty much watch anything they put on the idiot box. But for some reason, I've never been able to get into this Bachelor/Bachelorette show. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I'm somewhat of an incurable romantic and these shows kill me with their competitive nature of spouse-grabbing. I'll try to give it another try solely for entertainment value.
But meanwhile? Felicity came out on DVD? Damn, how come nobody told me? Damn fine show. Almost as good as Party of Five.
singing it with me now "new version of you...."
i canjust imagine felicity sitting in her HUGE dorm room talking to her dictaphone dreaming about ben, no noel, no ben.
that redhead is cute but DUMB.
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