We interrupt the regularly scheduled blogging to say… GO ‘HORNS! (and a few other things that have nothing to do with football)

I could not be happier if it was my own freaking school. I LOVES ME SOME TEXAS TODAY!!! Happy (belated) Birthday, DShaw!!!! Am I a man? Is it natural for a girl who didn’t even go to Texas to be THIS excited? What a great game and an incredible comeback (did USC even HAVE any defensive players on the field??) And Vince Young….all I can say is that guy was like a hot knife through butter…nothin’ was stopping that kid. At 4th and 5 I knew he was gonna get it, somehow, someway. Thank you, Vince and thank you, Texas for taking down the Evil Empire of USC. It almost feels like Duke lost.

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Whew. OK, time to take down my heart rate.

It saddens me to report that over my Holiday “break” (is it really a break when you freelance for a living?) I heard that the Dunkin Doughnuts “Time to make the doughnuts” man died. Damn, that broke me down. I thought that was some funny shit back in the 80s and it must’ve stuck with me because almost every day of my adult working life those have been the very first words that pop into my head when my alarm blares at dawn’s crack. See kids, copywriters CAN make a difference in the world!

In fact, outside of a few key programs (the Sunday double whammy of Disney and Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom along with every Charlie Brown holiday special ever) TTMTDM’s death reminded me that most of my childhood TV memories were of commercials, not programming. So sad. I remember the taglines, the melody of the jingles and a good portion of the copy. Because the bulk of these are from the mid 70s, some of you younger whippersnappers that have befriended me may not even realize that pretty much every single one of these is deeply woven into my vocabulary and has somehow shaped my sick personality and sense of humor. While other kids were playing doctor with dolls, playing astronaut on the high slides or practicing to be a mom on Barbies, young Rebecca was basking in the warm glow of an 18-inch, dancing and singing "Coke is it!" and other jingles at the top of my lungs. Seriously. And just look at me now. Behold! The power of advertising!

My sick sense of curiosity is dying to know what everyone else’s first and/or favorite commercial memory is. Also, any guesses on what current commercials will make our kids’ blogs someday? (Hopefully my kids will be too cool to have a blog).

And now…please enjoy my walk down Consumer Hedonism Lane.

Palmolive and Madge – You’re soaking in it! Anyone who gets remotely domestic around me when I’m feeling lazy automatically gets nicknamed Madge.

Pearl Drops Tooth Polish (what the hell is the difference between polish and paste?) - A sexy girl runs her tongue over her teeth and declares “Mmmmmm……what a GREAT feeling!” VERY racy for 1976ish, no? Separate note: I once did this on a first or second date 10 or 12 years ago thinking – stupidly – that my date got it since we were discussing 70s commercials previously in the evening. (why? Yes, that’s a good question, isn’t it?) Later, he tried to aggressively stick his tongue down my throat and fondle my breastage on the dance floor of the Ace of Clubs in Nashville, TN. Note to self: Do not imitate Pearl Drops Girl. Ever. Again.

Chiffon Margarine: It's not nice to fool Mother Nature (I fricking love that line). If you think it’s butter, but…it’s NOT….it’s Chiffon. I’m surprised Lay’s hasn’t tried to bring back this strategy. “If you think they’re really fried, but…they’re not. It’s Olean (and runny, bloody stool).” Yeah, maybe not.

Calgon Bath Crystals: Calgon, take me away! Apparently I used to make my Barbies and dolls say this to each other when I played with them.

Enjoli: “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never, never let you forget you’re a man, ‘cause I’m a WOOOman, Enjoli.” (is that an original song that Enjoli ripped off?)

Wind Song: A pensive looking man walks along a lonely, rain beach while background singers croon “I can’t seem to forget her, her Wind Song stays on my mind”.

Folgers - "We've secretly replaced Folger's Crystals with..." This might be my most used to this day. "We've secretly replaced DShaw's Emergen-C with..."

Ronco's Mr. Microphone - "Hey, good lookin' - we'll be back to pick you up later!" In fact, pretty much any Ronco commercial was a winner in my book. I loved me some Ronco Studsetter for jeans too.

Jean Nate: I don’t really remember the rest of this song, just the peppy chorus of singers singing “Jean Nate, Jean Nate!” while some horses ran around a track (and no, this was NOT a local-to-Kentucky spot). I LOVED it when my mom would let me splash on a little Jean Nate as a little kid after my bath. I know. Freak.

Agree Shampoo: This is part one of a 3-way tie (+Doughnut Man) for my VERY FAVORITE spot of all time and my only all-visual memory. The camera pans in close on an Agree Shampoo label and it opens like a door into a mystical, beautiful world of gorgeous hair models getting shampooed by a handsome male spokesman. Their hair is draped over a sink and he’s sensually rubbing her scalp (others are getting a similar rub-down in the background) while he talks about the many fine benefits of Agree. Not much of an idea but I consistently BEGGED my mom to buy Agree Shampoo because I thought that the labels really would open like a door and I could somehow crawl inside and get a scalp massage and live in the land of the gorgeous hair models. (My mom never gave in, by the way. I think I got the cheap Prell shit) I honestly believe this is why I revel in my haircuts and colors to this day. I also loved the Prell, Breck, Wella Balsam and Gee! Your Hair Smells Terrific! commercials. Clearly my hair product fetish was formed somewhere around age 3.

Calgon Washing Detergent - This one’s part 2 of my tie for Favorite: “Ancient Chinese secret, ehhh??” That just never gets old and even as a kid I knew that was some funny shit for 1975ish. Please tell me someone else remembers that saucy Chinese laundry-doing man.