Wednesday, October 04, 2006

"What's up with the quotes?"

I’d just popped in a Brach’s sugar free cinnamon hard candy and was perusing the nutrition facts on the label when I saw it. A statement in quotes. And not just any statement….this statement:

“Excess consumption may have a laxative effect.”

Now, aside from my initial shock and delight at the possibility that cinnamon hard candy could actually replace my Fiber One cereal and Ryvyta crackers, I was confused as to why this statement needed to be in quotes. Did someone famous say this? George Washington? Mary Kate Olsen? Calista Flockhart? Was the nutrition-label-typist-person just so embarrassed at the mere mention of anything having to do with (shhhh) bowel movements that they had to put it in quotations so that no one would mistake this for a first person statement?

I can almost hear the inner dialogue now of Bertha, in Chattanooga, Tennessee (where my Brach’s candies were manufactured): “Ain’t no way I’m puttin’ nothin’ havin’ to do with shit on the back of this bag.” Maybe Bertha is afraid that her friends over in Monteagle, Tennessee, knowing that she is ultimately responsible for what goes on the back of that Brach’s sugar free cinnamon hard candy bag, will read it and give her shit for having to type something about bathroom habits? I just don’t know.

Why, why, WHY? Do people put things in quotes that don’t need to be in quotes? Does it drive anyone else crazy but me? When I’m reading a menu and I see “The best pancakes in town…guaranteed!” I want to know exactly who is making this guarantee.

It’s even worse when quotes are used for things that aren’t even interesting, like “Since 1959.” That’s not even a complete sentence. And it’s not interesting. And who cares? And who said it?

If there’s a reason for these random quotes, someone….please enlighten me.

“Bringing you quality ranting since 2005.”


Anonymous crazyvirgo said...

Do you know what's even worse that unnecessary quotes? Unnecessary AIR QUOTES!!!!! I want to killlll someone when they show me air quotes. And it's normally something that doesn't need quoting. Please refer to Chris Farley's sktch from SNL.

11:22 AM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

RBROWN IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE!!! Where you been? Damn, I've missed your takes on life in the 21st century!

And I am totally with Virgo on this one. Air quotes fucking kill me. Whenever I see someone do that, I want to break off their fingers.

Especially if that person is Dane Cook.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Jaime Schwarz said...

People use quotes to get out of the responsibility of whatever they're saying. "As long as it's in quotes you can't blame me for my fucking mouth!"
Keep it comin' RB!

3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need more blogs!!!, more I tell you more. When I'm rich from advertising (insert very hearty laugh here) I will pay you to drink martinis and write blogs, deal?


11:30 AM  
Blogger steveohville speakeasy said...

if you're gonna get on people who "misuse" quotes, then you gotta take aim at people who...misuse ellipses.

12:02 AM  
Anonymous crazyvirgo said...

PLEASE BLOG AGAIN. are you teasing your faithful? come back!

10:34 AM  

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