Whore Central
Wow. I always knew Halloween was the carte blanche "dress like a whore" holiday. But if I had a dollar for every milkmaid/beer wench outfit I saw in the past 4 hours, I'd be a fricking millionaire. (OK, I'd probably just be about $200 richer. But I'd take it.)
Apparently, all you have to do to "be in costume" on Halloween is wear an uber short skirt, some hooker heels and a tight, boob-revealing top and then pass yourself off - with a straight face - as pretty much any profession in the free world. It can be as unsexy as you want, so long as your skirt does NOT clear the tops of your pull-up fishnet stockings. "So, what's YOUR costume??" Coyly, sucking on a strand of hair and with a straight face reply "Oh MEEEE??? Well, I'm a coroner/taxi driver/butcher/softball coach." You get the idea. WHORE CENTRAL. Me in my tight spider shirt = Julie Andrews.
In other whore-related news, can someone PLEASE tell me what's going on with the boutiquey makeup/clothing stores of the world? Today I made a trip to MAC on Union St where I needed to purchase some lipstick. ("needed" is questionnable for an unemployed, but who cares at this point). Let me just replay the convo that's been going on for the past 3 years or so at MAC, Benefit, Laura Mercier, etc and driving me up a fucking wall:
(me waiting for a brow waxing or innocently applying the newest Viva Glam to my lips)
Counter girl: HIIII!!! Can I help you?
ME: No thanks, just looking.
Counter girl: Oh, come ONNNN. Don't you wanna PWAY??? Why doesn't anyone wanna PWAY WITH ME today? Let me put some eye shadow on you. It'll be FUN!!! You'll LOVE IT! PWEAAASEEE!!
No shit. I mean. what the fuck? Is this Benefit? Or have I entered a soft-core porn storefront for Cinemax?
Perhaps this the brainchild of some GENIUS in the marketing departments who thinks that the "befriend the customer and appeal to her lesbian sensibility" tactic is really the best way to sell cosmetics? I'm not sure. But i just want to get waxed and get on with things. WWJD? (what would Julie do?)
Apparently, all you have to do to "be in costume" on Halloween is wear an uber short skirt, some hooker heels and a tight, boob-revealing top and then pass yourself off - with a straight face - as pretty much any profession in the free world. It can be as unsexy as you want, so long as your skirt does NOT clear the tops of your pull-up fishnet stockings. "So, what's YOUR costume??" Coyly, sucking on a strand of hair and with a straight face reply "Oh MEEEE??? Well, I'm a coroner/taxi driver/butcher/softball coach." You get the idea. WHORE CENTRAL. Me in my tight spider shirt = Julie Andrews.
In other whore-related news, can someone PLEASE tell me what's going on with the boutiquey makeup/clothing stores of the world? Today I made a trip to MAC on Union St where I needed to purchase some lipstick. ("needed" is questionnable for an unemployed, but who cares at this point). Let me just replay the convo that's been going on for the past 3 years or so at MAC, Benefit, Laura Mercier, etc and driving me up a fucking wall:
(me waiting for a brow waxing or innocently applying the newest Viva Glam to my lips)
Counter girl: HIIII!!! Can I help you?
ME: No thanks, just looking.
Counter girl: Oh, come ONNNN. Don't you wanna PWAY??? Why doesn't anyone wanna PWAY WITH ME today? Let me put some eye shadow on you. It'll be FUN!!! You'll LOVE IT! PWEAAASEEE!!
No shit. I mean. what the fuck? Is this Benefit? Or have I entered a soft-core porn storefront for Cinemax?
Perhaps this the brainchild of some GENIUS in the marketing departments who thinks that the "befriend the customer and appeal to her lesbian sensibility" tactic is really the best way to sell cosmetics? I'm not sure. But i just want to get waxed and get on with things. WWJD? (what would Julie
posted by Single, Party of One at 1:11 AM
8 Comments:
My favorite whore pass off was halloween two years ago in was a nurse/nun who asked me to dance. Her entire costume was made of garbage bags. And then someone tipped a car over. Ahhh, Halloween in the Castro, I miss it soooo not much.
i admit, i was a whore maid. a french maid whore. i was working tho, so i have an excuse. the other girls were a cat whore, a police whore, a stewardess whore, a dominatrix (whore!), an i dont know what the fuck whore, a whore whore, and pocahontas.
oh...and the other thing i remember was...i overheard a coworker actually say, "i love halloween! it's the only day where it's okay to be a whore!" so there you go. god, i need (an advertising) job
naughty bunny. bad baby. diva devil. foxy condi rice. spin it however you want it, some people will do anything to get whorish on halloween. when did this start by the way? as i recall, all hallows wven is the day we pray for dead soles, right? how that links up with sexiness i'll never know.
Whore Condi Rice? You have got to be kidding me. Personally, if you're gonna be a whore, I say go big or stay home. Like say, a fluffer. It got me to the front of every line, free drinks and it silenced the milkmaids as they tried to figure out what a fluffer was since I was dressed like a normal, non-whore only wearing a utility apron with some "special" supplies.
Ahh...Halloween. The night when some girls decide to go the route of bunny/cat/genie/nurse/angel/cop/french maid/schoolgirl or slutty anything-with-a-tail. Sportswriter Bill Simmons wrote about this phenomenon and how he applauds women who dress up like this on Halloween. Mainly because they are the equivalent of somebody holding up a sign and saying either, "I'm up for some casual sex tonight" or "I'm definitely ready to start cheating on my boyfriend." But here's the problem: Sometimes the girls who make these choices are the quiet/uptight/prudish types who think this is their way of letting loose for the year. So it's almost like playing roulette, trying to figure out what their intentions are.
But if you're going to go slutty, the key is to go all out. If not, be original. And like RBrown, go in the opposite direction. THOSE are the costumes you end up remembering, not the 550,000,000th person who dressed up like a slutty cat.
This year I went in my sweats - I was a lazy whore.
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