Do I have "WHORE" tattooed on my forehead?
No, seriously, do I? Because I feel like I must.
Recap: I’m out with my girls last Saturday, minding my own business when a guy they know approaches and chats with them. We get introduced. I pay attention to the mindless chitchat, I smile. I nod. At the end of their convo he says “Hey Dshaw, I need to get your email so I can get Rbrown’s number and ask her out.” What? OK. Cool.
Said suitor follows up with Dshaw, gets my number, calls me and we go out for drinks tonight. There’s a modicum of chemistry, we have a good conversation, he seems nice. We have a couple of glasses of wine and somewhere near the end he throws in the Ace card of “well I don’t have any chocolate at my place but maybe we can go back there anyway.”
What the fuck?
I reply with the nervous laugh “Um, well that’s probably not the best idea.” He seems satisfied but my red flags have been raised.
He drives me home, gets out to walk me to the door (extra points), kisses me goodnight and makes a comment about how my name isn’t on the directory. Naturally, I don’t bother to go into the whole “I’m subleasing” story. I make a joke of how I’m not directory-worthy. And he follows up with “Well, invite me up for coffee”.
Again, I must ask – WHERE ON MY FOREHEAD IS THE WORD WHORE WRITTEN??!!
“What?” I ask, confused. “Invite me up for coffee,” he says.
I’m not even sure what my reply was… something like “Um, well, it’s not really a (insert name here) thing, it’s more of a Rbrown thing. I don’t drink coffee. I don’t have a coffeemaker (no shit, I said both of those things, both lies). “ And then – and I’m sorry BLH – “my friend I’m subleasing from just had a baby so it’s not really visitor-friendly. Cribs and stuff.”
I got the “OK, it was nice to meet you”. Then the walk-off. I will never hear from this guy again. Nor do I really want to. I thought he was nice. Jesus!
OK, so it’s a fine line. We all have needs. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t invited someone up for some “coffee” before. So I’m not sure why I’m shocked. Nothing should shock me anymore. If there had been some more build-up…maybe there would’ve been a little coffee. But I’m not entirely convinced this guy knew my name at the end of the date. Remember, when he met me, I was merely a nodder and a smiler. So to go from that to naked coffee…well, it just seems wrong.
To channel Carrie Bradshaw for one lame moment, allow me to say for anyone who’s dated me lately, in the past, or may be considering it and reading this blog…let me be as clear as Carrie on this: “I’m looking for love. Real live honest to fricking God love. And if you’re really just looking to have “coffee” with me, don’t bother.” (OK, Carrie didn’t say it exactly like that, but it needed to be said). Is every girl you meet someone you just wanna DO??
I LOVE sex. Really, I mean who doesn’t?? But if there’s chemistry, let it breathe a little. Why ya gotta rush it and shit? Ok, once again I’d say, I too, have made this mistake more than once. But only if all the signs are right, for fuck’s sake! If I was wearing a skank outfit on Saturday or tonight and sending mixed signals, maybe I’d get it. But I wasn’t. I was just me, and I was me on level 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. Because I’ve been told Rbrown at 10 can seem a bit much, a bit flirty, even when I’m not meaning too. So this guy got me at a 2. And he wants “coffee”.
Where did I go wrong here? What signals should I NOT have sent??
In a “High Fidelity” moment, I even dialed up SilverFox. At 12:16 am. To tell him thank you. FOR BEING NORMAL. Because as screwy as all that got, he was always a gentleman, he always read the signals, he always treated me with respect. Which was weird. Because we drank a LOT of coffee. (sorry if you’re reading this….you always wanted to be the cool guy in my books and now you’re the sexy, cool gentleman guy. Hope that’s cool). Silverfox could merely smile at me and my stomach did flips. He touched my arm and it caught on fire. So on the occasions Silverfox and I decided to have coffee, it was really a no-brainer. Stomach flips and fire are coffee-worthy. 2 glasses of wine and someone I’m pretty sure doesn’t know my last name? NOT COFFEE WORTHY.
Are we all doomed, us single girls? Should I just go back to “inviting people up for coffee” and say fuck it to finding more? Someone give me hope. Please. I just don’t think it’s wrong of me to want the coffee….AND the coffee cake, the Splenda, the purple couches, the stir sticks and the soundtrack. The whole goddamned coffee fucking shop.
Right?
Recap: I’m out with my girls last Saturday, minding my own business when a guy they know approaches and chats with them. We get introduced. I pay attention to the mindless chitchat, I smile. I nod. At the end of their convo he says “Hey Dshaw, I need to get your email so I can get Rbrown’s number and ask her out.” What? OK. Cool.
Said suitor follows up with Dshaw, gets my number, calls me and we go out for drinks tonight. There’s a modicum of chemistry, we have a good conversation, he seems nice. We have a couple of glasses of wine and somewhere near the end he throws in the Ace card of “well I don’t have any chocolate at my place but maybe we can go back there anyway.”
What the fuck?
I reply with the nervous laugh “Um, well that’s probably not the best idea.” He seems satisfied but my red flags have been raised.
He drives me home, gets out to walk me to the door (extra points), kisses me goodnight and makes a comment about how my name isn’t on the directory. Naturally, I don’t bother to go into the whole “I’m subleasing” story. I make a joke of how I’m not directory-worthy. And he follows up with “Well, invite me up for coffee”.
Again, I must ask – WHERE ON MY FOREHEAD IS THE WORD WHORE WRITTEN??!!
“What?” I ask, confused. “Invite me up for coffee,” he says.
I’m not even sure what my reply was… something like “Um, well, it’s not really a (insert name here) thing, it’s more of a Rbrown thing. I don’t drink coffee. I don’t have a coffeemaker (no shit, I said both of those things, both lies). “ And then – and I’m sorry BLH – “my friend I’m subleasing from just had a baby so it’s not really visitor-friendly. Cribs and stuff.”
I got the “OK, it was nice to meet you”. Then the walk-off. I will never hear from this guy again. Nor do I really want to. I thought he was nice. Jesus!
OK, so it’s a fine line. We all have needs. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t invited someone up for some “coffee” before. So I’m not sure why I’m shocked. Nothing should shock me anymore. If there had been some more build-up…maybe there would’ve been a little coffee. But I’m not entirely convinced this guy knew my name at the end of the date. Remember, when he met me, I was merely a nodder and a smiler. So to go from that to naked coffee…well, it just seems wrong.
To channel Carrie Bradshaw for one lame moment, allow me to say for anyone who’s dated me lately, in the past, or may be considering it and reading this blog…let me be as clear as Carrie on this: “I’m looking for love. Real live honest to fricking God love. And if you’re really just looking to have “coffee” with me, don’t bother.” (OK, Carrie didn’t say it exactly like that, but it needed to be said). Is every girl you meet someone you just wanna DO??
I LOVE sex. Really, I mean who doesn’t?? But if there’s chemistry, let it breathe a little. Why ya gotta rush it and shit? Ok, once again I’d say, I too, have made this mistake more than once. But only if all the signs are right, for fuck’s sake! If I was wearing a skank outfit on Saturday or tonight and sending mixed signals, maybe I’d get it. But I wasn’t. I was just me, and I was me on level 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. Because I’ve been told Rbrown at 10 can seem a bit much, a bit flirty, even when I’m not meaning too. So this guy got me at a 2. And he wants “coffee”.
Where did I go wrong here? What signals should I NOT have sent??
In a “High Fidelity” moment, I even dialed up SilverFox. At 12:16 am. To tell him thank you. FOR BEING NORMAL. Because as screwy as all that got, he was always a gentleman, he always read the signals, he always treated me with respect. Which was weird. Because we drank a LOT of coffee. (sorry if you’re reading this….you always wanted to be the cool guy in my books and now you’re the sexy, cool gentleman guy. Hope that’s cool). Silverfox could merely smile at me and my stomach did flips. He touched my arm and it caught on fire. So on the occasions Silverfox and I decided to have coffee, it was really a no-brainer. Stomach flips and fire are coffee-worthy. 2 glasses of wine and someone I’m pretty sure doesn’t know my last name? NOT COFFEE WORTHY.
Are we all doomed, us single girls? Should I just go back to “inviting people up for coffee” and say fuck it to finding more? Someone give me hope. Please. I just don’t think it’s wrong of me to want the coffee….AND the coffee cake, the Splenda, the purple couches, the stir sticks and the soundtrack. The whole goddamned coffee fucking shop.
Right?
posted by Single, Party of One at 1:30 AM
12 Comments:
Damn. That sucks. I don't miss the single life...
i was gonna say something about that tatoo. i thought someone of your breading would try to be a little more subtle about pulling men, but then again i'm not one to knock a girl's tactics.
(you did, by the way, only need "10 min of sleep" in london as i recal ;)
Here's the new line I like about the difference between the sexes: Women are looking for one man to fill every need. Men are looking for every woman to fill one need.
But I'd also look to this analogy: When you start looking for a job things go from falling in your lap to "how the fuck do I get a job!" It's like the world's working against you. Well it isn't, you've just changed your POV while the world's remained the same. If you weren't looking for the right guy and he shows up, he fell in your lap. If you've been looking for Mr. Right forever and he shows up, he's FINALLY showing up, what took him so long anyway? So have your fun, and don't sweat the small stuff. Just cause you're a souther flirt doesn't mean you have whore tattooed on your forehead but what I wouldn't give to complain about being looked at like some piece of meat sometimes.
He's out there RB and he'll be damn lucky when he FINALLY finds you too.
i thought it said "uhore" on your forehead, but i don't speak portugese so i never asked what it meant.
If I've said it once, I 've said it a thousand times: START EXPECTING WHAT YOU REALLY DESERVE. This guy shouldn't have made it through the second glass of vino. In the future, kick such a toolbox's ass to the curb and come home and write something for your blog. You've got too much going on to waste time with lesser men. That includes men who haven't bothered to talk to you and get to now you before getting your number. Such an urchin hasn't earned time alone with you. Okay, I'm getting pissed about this. You get the rest in an e-mail . . .
God, I don't miss dates like that. What a prick! We know you are fine...did he have asshole hidden in HIS hairline?
i'll say it again.... PUBLISH THIS! and then i'll be quiet.
as for the douchebag that tried to be a sleezebag, but even seemed to fail at that.....damnit. he ruined it for all of them for me. at the beginning of the blog i was SO excited about your date. yippeee for a sublt pickup in a bar. nice. BUT, yeah, there's gonna have to be a little bit more work being done unless he has the looks of one Cillian Murphy. this guys seemed to think that he had it in the bag. how cocky. and to say the least...i'll bet he wasn't, if you know what i mean.
victory will be yours, dear. in due time. it will be yours.
also, p.s. CALL ME!
Oh girl I feel your pain! I've been kissing more frogs than I knew existed lately and even though there seems to be a prince in the bunch...how the fuck would I know? Don't settle for less than the coffee shop mama...although please DO rethink the purple couches, I mean seriously, purple couches?
Don't sweat it, RBrown. Better to know he's the wrong guy now than further on down the road. Erase this guy from your memory and move on!
I'm gonna have to agree with macfisto. YOU ARE SO ABOVE AND BEYOND THIS, RBROWN. Stop wasting your time. I know, curiousity is a bitch. But seriously. When I saw you in London at the Crazy Bear (I'm assuming this is Silverfox whom you speak of), you were so electric! And at the time, the dude seemed pretty fucking amazing too. But that's the bar, dear (minus the crazies).
And btw, you're NEVER a 2. Get that out of your silly (yet pretty!) head.
oh yeah, i forgot to add that YOU ARE NOT BY ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION A 2. why must you make me caps you???
RB:
As someone who knows you (fairly well me thinks), that was f-ing hilarious. No, you do not have whore (though I like the hoar spelling) written on your forehead.
You do have a great energy and way of staying engaged and connected to people in a conversation, and perhaps some men are not used to this level of attention. I have no advice for you, especially as I love this about you... but it is worth noting.
So, NO, you do not have whore on your forehead, (but it is on your inner thigh though.)
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