It's time to fly my freak flag
I’m composing this entry on my lunch hour. As I eat my salad at my desk. Alone. I think I’m in dangerous territory at work of getting labeled as “The Quiet Girl”. Holy. Fricking. Shit. Where have I gone wrong?
I’m having lunch-table flashbacks to the first day of school at elementary, middle and high school. Don’t get me wrong – everyone here is really nice. I just have that feeling that people don’t really know what to make of me yet, they’re still in the critical “decision phase” that we all know we put people through but maybe don’t want to admit doing. Now is the time when I need to take the bull(s) by the horn(s)! Bring out my best material! Regale with my Gregory Peck stories! Dazzle with my quick wit! Harness the camraderie of co-workership with my thoughtfulness (“I brought you a muffin for all those great layouts you did!”). So why am I freezing up? As Tom says in “Office Space”: “I’m a PEOPLE PERSON, goddamnit!”
I’ve never had this problem before. Ever. And I’m trying to figure out what it is now. I just realized today it’s been 3 1/2 years since I started a job without the comfort of having a partner by my side. And the first day of a marketing job is a lot less intimidating than the first day of an agency job (it was for me, anyway). Better Darker Half and I had a theory: all it takes is one big night of drinking with your co-workers and you’re in. The truth is, this job seems to have brought out my quiet, shy, deer-in-the-headlights side and I need to rid myself of this faster than that bad prairie shirt look from 1983. Me! Quiet? Serious? The people who know me outside this blog are checking the URL to make sure they’re at the right place. It’s ridic, right?
But what do you do when you a) have no money to go drinking b) have no money to go to lunches c) have no energy to do either anyway d) don’t really want to get into the fact that you’re trying to “do a cleanse” of drinking and meat-eating since your co-workers are all young and vibrant and healthy as a bunch of fucking horses and e) want to protect your out-of-work time like Ft. Knox so you can spend it with the non-work friends you barely get to see now? Anyone? Bueller?
I have a few ideas. But I think they’re a little progressive. For example, I’m reading “Lullaby” by Chuck Palahniuk right now and I’m thinking of writing a culling song that I can sing around the office…you know, the modern day version of getting people to drink the RBrown Kool-aid.
Perhaps a culling blog would be more appropriate for an agency that specializes in interactive media? I could send a link from an anonymous email to an entry that, following reading, would somehow encourage people to stop by my desk and chat, accept my impromptu invitations to step out for coffee, part their happy hour social circles when I approach. The little things. I think this is a good plan save a couple of minor flaws:
1) Culling verses/songs are meant to kill people. And I think that’s just taking things too far. I just want them to like me, for Christ sake.
2) This seems fairly obvious but it is conceivable that while researching the elements of culling songs/verses I could read something that actually does kill me, ironically defeating the need for anyone to try and get to know me. But an untimely death would make me ridiculously popular at work posthumously. I’d probably even score a movie on Lifetime or the Oxygen Network. Hmmm. Probably not worth it. OK, so kill the culling blog.
So what now? I need some advice. Set me straight, blogosphere. Any techniques that will knock me out of my solitude and shyness and back into the warped and dark stratosphere I normally inhabit would be much appreciated.
PS - Don't tell me to have them read my blog. Cause then I'll feel all restricted about what I can write. I know you'd think that Krazy RBrown would rear her warped head in her work somewhere but honestly...I'm not sure people even read the stuff that's been the funniest and the other stuff is financial-related. (translation: NO ONE WILL EVER READ IT EXCEPT THE CLIENT)
I’m having lunch-table flashbacks to the first day of school at elementary, middle and high school. Don’t get me wrong – everyone here is really nice. I just have that feeling that people don’t really know what to make of me yet, they’re still in the critical “decision phase” that we all know we put people through but maybe don’t want to admit doing. Now is the time when I need to take the bull(s) by the horn(s)! Bring out my best material! Regale with my Gregory Peck stories! Dazzle with my quick wit! Harness the camraderie of co-workership with my thoughtfulness (“I brought you a muffin for all those great layouts you did!”). So why am I freezing up? As Tom says in “Office Space”: “I’m a PEOPLE PERSON, goddamnit!”
I’ve never had this problem before. Ever. And I’m trying to figure out what it is now. I just realized today it’s been 3 1/2 years since I started a job without the comfort of having a partner by my side. And the first day of a marketing job is a lot less intimidating than the first day of an agency job (it was for me, anyway). Better Darker Half and I had a theory: all it takes is one big night of drinking with your co-workers and you’re in. The truth is, this job seems to have brought out my quiet, shy, deer-in-the-headlights side and I need to rid myself of this faster than that bad prairie shirt look from 1983. Me! Quiet? Serious? The people who know me outside this blog are checking the URL to make sure they’re at the right place. It’s ridic, right?
But what do you do when you a) have no money to go drinking b) have no money to go to lunches c) have no energy to do either anyway d) don’t really want to get into the fact that you’re trying to “do a cleanse” of drinking and meat-eating since your co-workers are all young and vibrant and healthy as a bunch of fucking horses and e) want to protect your out-of-work time like Ft. Knox so you can spend it with the non-work friends you barely get to see now? Anyone? Bueller?
I have a few ideas. But I think they’re a little progressive. For example, I’m reading “Lullaby” by Chuck Palahniuk right now and I’m thinking of writing a culling song that I can sing around the office…you know, the modern day version of getting people to drink the RBrown Kool-aid.
Perhaps a culling blog would be more appropriate for an agency that specializes in interactive media? I could send a link from an anonymous email to an entry that, following reading, would somehow encourage people to stop by my desk and chat, accept my impromptu invitations to step out for coffee, part their happy hour social circles when I approach. The little things. I think this is a good plan save a couple of minor flaws:
1) Culling verses/songs are meant to kill people. And I think that’s just taking things too far. I just want them to like me, for Christ sake.
2) This seems fairly obvious but it is conceivable that while researching the elements of culling songs/verses I could read something that actually does kill me, ironically defeating the need for anyone to try and get to know me. But an untimely death would make me ridiculously popular at work posthumously. I’d probably even score a movie on Lifetime or the Oxygen Network. Hmmm. Probably not worth it. OK, so kill the culling blog.
So what now? I need some advice. Set me straight, blogosphere. Any techniques that will knock me out of my solitude and shyness and back into the warped and dark stratosphere I normally inhabit would be much appreciated.
PS - Don't tell me to have them read my blog. Cause then I'll feel all restricted about what I can write. I know you'd think that Krazy RBrown would rear her warped head in her work somewhere but honestly...I'm not sure people even read the stuff that's been the funniest and the other stuff is financial-related. (translation: NO ONE WILL EVER READ IT EXCEPT THE CLIENT)
posted by Single, Party of One at 12:10 AM
7 Comments:
Oh RBrown. How I feel your pain. I went through the EXACT same thing when I started. I think 2 years in ad school makes you socially sterile. And I agree about the blog thing too. Where else are you going to vent about shit that goes down in the workplace?
My naive self thought that a happy hour or two would help me slide into the cool group (and it did the night we were all drinking) but the next morning I was back to being my awkward self. So here's my advice to you: break them in slowly. Full on RBrown humor may scare them off (not that you're scary, by any means; just that they may not know what to do with themselves). Drop a clever line here and there. Let them get a taste. Only a taste! No canonballs into the deep end here, darling. Eventually, they'll come to understand that the "new girl" is actually this smart, hilarious being that they should really get to know.
take heart, bacon. if he job thing doesn't work out, you can make cash shopping!
all i can say is, i know the feeling. when i had that waitressing job here, i had never been so meek and submisive in my life. i was always the funny one in all my jobs, but i just stood there, shakin' in my hooker boots.
and at my adv job, i was funny...at first. then i got all subconcious and thought i should tone it down a notch, and then things went to hell. they we're like...what happened to you?
hm, and there i went going on about me. i think what you need is a montage.
I think the situation is more of a reflection of your co-workers than you. Think about it..
What would you do if you'd worked there a while, and a new person came in. You'd throw some good ol' fashion southern hospitality on em and try to help make them feel comfortable..
Cordial, "standoffish" groups make alot of people feel uncomfortable, which is exactly whats happening to you... They're nice enough, but.....Maybe you just don't want to believe thats how they are...
Lucky for you that "cream always rises to the top" (good blog title).
Good looks, sharp wit, and a winning personality always prevail.
You'll know you're in when one of the other girls flashes a sign of jealousy....he...he...
That anonymous guy has some good things to say! But other than that, what about our friend, Justin? Has he gone missing? You guys are both writers, can't he help you get in with the social cirlces, or has he been outcasted as well? Use him.
Another idea is decorating your cube, or workstation or whatever. Interesting things hung up or lying around always attract attention and start a conversation. At least I always pause to ask or comment when I see something provoking in an unknown co-workers workspace.
Is there a common space to eat lunch? take an interesting magazine and eat out there. Someone will talk to you unless they are completely cold-hearted and void of all human emotion.
You need to find your balls and grab them. I know it's easy advice to give, but you've gotta do it. YOu're an extremely likeable woman and I know you've got the chutzpah to stick it out there. This Friday around 5, put out the call on email or something like:
"It's been a hellofa week. Who wants to blow it off with a round of "sweet Caroline' and TsingTao at the Bow Bow?"
If that doesn't work, just start introducing yourself to people. I do that, and oddly enough, it makes them feel stupid and guilty for not being the one to initiate first contact with the new girl.
They'll come around. It's not you. It's them.
first off, i also found a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
second, when akqa gets really quiet, and it can get really friggin quiet, yell out, at the top of your lungs "OH MY GOD I'M SO LONELY" and then continue to work.
see what happens.
maybe you can just walk around the agency and just tell people that you found a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping.
Funny, RBRown. My wife's going through the same exact thing now. She started a new job at the beginning of the year and she's always lamenting how lonely she feels. She either skips lunch or eats alone. Many of her co-workers are younger and like to go out boozing every night (despite the fact that they often work until 9:00 every night!)
I'll give the same advice I gave my wife. Pick a random day. Wake up a little earlier and bring in a shitload of Krispy Kreme donuts for everyone. Just don't forget to put the Xanaxes inside them!
I made over $900 last month having fun!
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