More tales of vegetable dating...now with graphic detail!
Better if it’s not. I have nothing of… ahem, real value to say today except this: I still maintain that online dating is ASS. ASS, I tell you.
Here’s why: (and now is the moment I’ve chosen to divulge seriously personal information on this blog. Screw it. It’s my blog. Nobody’s reading this thing anymore anyway. If you’re my brother, please stop reading this post NOW).
We now resume our normal blog entry. ANYhoo, I had a SECOND date last weekend with this really, really cute boy. Really, he’s a MAN, he’s 36, for God’s sake. A MAN! (I just like the sound of that…a man. GRRR.) And he’s totally dreamy. Did I mention that? Really funny, very nice, seems like a genuinely nice and good-hearted person, cares about his family, values time with friends, I mean – a GOOD guy. And totally my look. (Remember, MetroDad when you questioned my crush on Matthew Fox? He kinda reminds me of him in a small way. Only better looking.).
Anyway, you get the picture. Let me bring you up to date. First date was fun. After the first date, I emailed him the next day (mistake?) to thank him. In my wittiest and least scary stalker-girl kind of way, I did my best to let him know I was interested lest he have ANY CONFUSION. He writes me back – 2 days later – (which I know is normal but pre-date he had been shooting me emails all the time and way faster, but whatev) a very nice, looong, funny email with links to funny things we talked about on our date. But he didn’t ask me out or mention seeing me again. I emailed him back the next day an equally funny and nice yet not quite as long response. He emails me again, 2 days later, yet ANOTHER funny, loooong email. Again, no call to action (henceforth referred to in marketing speak as CTA) for a 2nd date. So I write again. (stupid). No response until 1 week and 2 days later. He calls me on a SUNDAY NIGHT and we talk for an hour and a half. Again no CTA. But an excellent convo.
So at this point I’m consulting Jeff, my dating guru who resides on the nightstand by my bed and goes by the handle “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I specifically read and RE-READ the chapters entitled “He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out” and “he’s just not that into you if he’s not calling.” And (cue dramatic music) I broke up with him. In my head. But it was a break-up nonetheless. I appropriately donned a sexy scarf, dark glasses and all-black outfit. Goodbye, Onion boy. Our time was brief, yet satisfying.
Then, one week and 2 days later, he calls me again at 7:30 in the evening. To “touch base”. OK, I’m still at work otherwise I would’ve asked this so-hot-it’s-burning-my-brain question: exactly what BASE are you touching, man? ????? Because from my perspective there’s nothing being touched!!! NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!! And since he hasn’t asked me out, I have to assume he’s put me in the friend bucket, though we don’t know enough about each other to really BE friends yet (OK, I’m pretty sure I’d wanna be his friend if I didn’t have such a crush on him at this point but again…whatev). Is this a courtesy call? Am I the Honda Civic in this scenario? Is this my routine 3-month oil change call? Guy friends tell me NO GUY will take the time to call if he’s not interested on some level. So WTF? I mean, just go away. You had an out. That’s what men have being doing since the beginning of time. And it’s OK. Girls are used to it. At least it answers the question of “are you interested?” But this…this continued communication?? For God’s sake, man! Help a sister out!
One week and 2 days later (I’m starting to see a pattern here) he emails me to see if I want to see a movie at the SF Film Festival…on Friday night. I can’t. (I think I’m being cool here though I really did have plans). He calls me - on the TELEPHONE - to suggest Saturday. Coolness goes away, I say yes.
So, he picks me up (a car date! I’m actually house-sitting in San Leandro so that was nice),we go to dinner, we see the movie. He drops me back at my friend’s house after the movie. An uncomfortable period of me trying to fill any silences that may occur ensues. (why do I do that?) “Do you want to come in for some blueberries? Some water? A neck rub?” (background: he enjoyed some blueberries while waiting for me to finish up upon pick-up, he flirted with me – I think – by mentioning several times that he’d like a neck rub to cure his ailing neck and thighs from snowboarding and soccer).
What the….?? HOLD ON!! Am I “coffee guy?” Maybe I DO have whore tattooed on my forehead?
Anyway, he comes in and here’s the question. We mess around a little. On a second date. Now I’ve consulted my Board of Directors of friends but I need to know from the masses – are girls who mess around a little on the 2nd date forever written off? What’s normal in the dating world now? And normal for someone of my age…you know somewhere in my teen years x 2. I have needs, people! Anyway, when people say they “messed around” what does it mean? I need to know! Jeff doesn’t talk to me about this from his perch on the nightstand.
When he leaves, there’s no CTA. Just “I had a great time, thanks for going, etc”. But I’m used to no CTA. So why would I expect it at this point? I think he’s out of town so I haven’t expected a call. I’ve been re-reading Jeff occasionally to uncover some kernel of wisdom and my kernel is this: he will not call. I told this to another friend who told me that I really should try putting positive energy out there instead.
SFX: Dream-like music. Insert soft-focus screen with fogged out corners over any images that may appear in your head.
He WILL call me. Right now, he’s somewhere on a plane, heaving a deep sigh of fantasy ecstasy, chin resting dreamily in one hand while the other hand lazily scrawls his first name in cursive with my last name. He’s probably drawing some pretty daisies by it too. He’s got a plus sign with our initials in it: OB + RB (onion boy). He’s consulting his magic 8 ball: does she like me? (maybe). If I ask her out again, will she say yes? (chances are good).
Riddle me this, blogosphere (and anything else you think might be helpful):
1) Why does he keep communicating with me? Why can’t he do what every other guy does and just stop calling if he’s not interested? Or am I back burner girl ‘til he can figure out something else with a different main course girl? I’m not really into being back burner girl. I do not aspire to be a side dish, you silly, trifling man! I clearly have “MAIN COURSE” written on my forehead (which I think is blending in with “WHORE” so it might be hard to see).
2) What does “messing around” really mean these days? Get graphic, please. Sign in anonymously if you must. But I need to know.
3) Did I sign a 3rd date death warrant by letting him touch me anywhere below the neck? Or by touching him anywhere below the neck? (Ummm…OK, so maybe below the belt).
Don’t worry. I’m working on dates with other people too. I’m not CRAZY, for heaven’s sake. (nervous laugh, twitch, twitch). I’m just looking for some answers on this. To fill in the gaps where Jeff can’t. Thanks, bloggers. (twitch).